If you have read the article What is the court appointed Child Custody Recommending Counselor experience like? you have a general idea of the process and what to expect.


Because each CCRC can be a wild card, there are a few things to focus on during your appointment:

  • Content
  • Composure
  • Context


Content

Choose the 3 most important items you are requesting. Be prepared with your requests and have the details laid out. If you want a change in your visitation or custody, have the days and times worked out ahead of time.  If you are clear about these there is a greater likelihood they will be included correctly in the CCRC's report.


Discuss these requests with a friend or DwD advocate ahead of time to ensure they are reasonable and requested in a way that paints you in a positive light. 


Do not speak negatively about your STBE, and have 3 nice things prepared to say about their parenting.


Composure

Your appearance is important as a semi-rational CCRC will potentially be influencing your time with your child based on a brief interaction with you in an abnormal environment where you are powerless. Speaking with someone who has experienced the CCRC appointments can be greatly beneficial to understand what you are walking into. The CCRC may push your buttons, trying to evoke an emotional response when you are battling your basic instincts to protect your children. Here are some things you can do to be prepared for the session:

  • Expect the unexpected
  • Be prepared to be thrown off
  • Be selective about what emotions you display, role playing can be helpful in preparing as the appointments can quickly escalate and become stressful, making it difficult to control your expression of emotion
  • Slow down and think before responding
  • Always be respectful to both the CCRC and your STBE (see Monitor your behavior)
  • Practice "active listening" - there is loads of information about this online and it buys you time to build your responses during your appointment.
    • Social workers and CCRCs view this as "trying to understand in order to work things out" and having "clear communication". In the real world, anyone is put off by this (particularly an angry and upset STBE) as it feels like you are talking to a 3-year-old. You can always fall back on "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand. I want to make things work" and then repeat what they just said to you again. 
  • Know the lingo. Do some research online about non-violent communication. Social workers and the CCRC's involved with Alameda Co. Family Law are often quick to latch onto terms that are insignificant in the real world. 
    • For example: Instead of saying "My son should be with me 50% of the time" say "I think it is important for my son to have both of his parents in his life. He needs equal time in both homes for his stability, development, and growth".
  • Learn the buzz-words such as "don't feel safe" and "I just want what is best for my son". 
  • Most CCRC's favor the parent who appears tired, exhausted, beaten down, and unwilling to continue to fight. Appearing this way may help you in your appointment, but don't ever give up (more on this below).


Context

While it is in your best interest to have the CCRC appointment go swimmingly and in your favor, chances are it will not. Remember that no matter what the CCRC recommends, what they say to you, or how they treat you, that (in most cases) you will have an opportunity to contest their report. Understanding What should I know about my court date? can have a huge impact on your case, the current judges understanding of the CCRC, and your ability to dispute the report.


See How can I dispute my Child Custody Recommending Counselor's (CCRC) report? for more information.